It’s my last semester of college, but a big dreaded mountain stands in my way before receiving my diploma in December. Student Teaching. Now I know many of you are thinking, why would you be dreading student teaching when that’s what you are going to school to become. A teacher. Well you see, beyond the usual stresses of student teaching and the extra calls of duty that an Agricultural Teacher goes through (especially when I didn’t have Ag classes growing up), I got placed with a teacher that I don’t connect with well at all.
At my school, Ag students complete a lengthy application and interview with the entire state Ag Education Board along with our advisor. They do this to try and ensure that they place us in the best possible location to meet our needs and wants in a placement. I was a unique case being already married and having the need to be within a commutable distance from my husbands work. I also was quite focused on having a female cooperating teacher who could help guide me through some of the many challenges women face in this career, such as balancing a family, teaching, FFA and even the best clothes and shoes to wear that fit the required professional appearance yet won’t be a safety hazard in the shop.
There were several excellent female Ag teachers in the area and I was excited to work with any of them. But when placements were released, I discovered I was with a male teacher who was already past retirement. I was disappointed and frustrated. I didn’t understand why I was placed there.
It only got worse after I took a few visits out their to meet him. He is an extremely socially awkward fella that seems to be the black sheep of the school. When asking him about how he balanced work and family, he said “I didn’t have to. My wife is a para here and had the same schedule as the kids, so she always took care of them. They are all grown up now.” I was like great. He can’t help me with that. He can’t help me with proper clothes. While watching him teach I was nearly bored out of my mind. I don’t understand how the kids stayed awake. He is very set in his old ways with teaching methods and curriculum. This made me even more nervous as I have been trained in and enjoy a hands-on and actively engaged classroom.
So as you can see, this experience looks far from what I had my hopes set on. When I have talked to my parents or pastor about it they have both said God placed me there for a reason I just don’t know why yet. I know that’s true, but I have still been dreading the experience as my summer draws to an end and school grows closer.
Then while scrolling through Facebook today, I happened to see one of my fellow classmates post about how fun the first few days of student teaching have been for her which provided me some hope. It made me realize how I should be thankful for teaching in a different state that starts school a couple weeks later which in turn shortens the length of my student teaching. It also made me want to contact her and other fellow teachers/previous student teachers to talk about how their experience went in hopes it would make me feel more at ease about when I start next week. But I stopped myself with the thoughts:
“no one reaches out to people they aren’t close with for stuff like that”
“how desperate and pitiful will that make me look”
“what would they think of me.”
“just because their experience was great doesn’t mean mine will be”
“my situation is way different than anyone else’s, no one has gone through anything like this.”
Which I know are just a bunch of lies, but fear and your mind can be your own worst enemy some days.
Then this evening I was reading my Bible where I have been reading through Hebrews in hopes I could focus on eliminating my constant worrying and overall feeling of being overwhelmed. I was reading through chapter three of Hebrews when it me out of no where! It wasn’t even because of something I read. It just came and hit me. Stopping me right where I was reading…
Why do we find comfort in hearing about how someone else went through a similar experience of what we are about to go through? Why do we want to know as much as we can about the unknown that lies ahead? It makes us feel better when we know someone has gone through something similar before and it makes us not feel so alone…. Yet I was reminded of how the Bible says, “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Deuteronomy 31:8
I was brought such comfort from remembering that verse and how God goes before us AND with us! He doesn’t just go through a similar situation like a friend may have experienced. No He goes BEFORE us on the exact path we will be taking AND He goes WITH us as we walk down the path! Like how awesome is that! That is the ultimate comfort and an antidote to loneliness in new situations!
I’m ending the day feeling excited and ready for my student teaching experience. Will I wake up in the morning feeling the same way I do tonight? Maybe. Will I still feel this way tomorrow night or the night after that? Maybe. But I do know that the devil will try to bring back those feelings of worry, doubt, stress, and overwhelming that have been swarming through my mind lately. However, I now have this amazing verse ready to stand my ground and remind me that God is always with me wherever I go and He will never forsake me.